How to Stop Self-Sabotage
There have been so many times in my life when I wanted to reach a certain goal so badly and I truly believed it was possible for me, only to end up frustrated and disappointed with myself. It made me think there was something terribly wrong with me, when in reality I was self-sabotaging every single goal.
Self-sabotage occurs when we compromise our own objectives or values, and to some extent it happens to everyone from time to time. For some people, it happens so rarely that it leads to minor problems in their lives. But for others, such as my past self, it becomes a chronic pattern that occurs both consciously or unconsciously, and can lead to severe consequences in their lives, relationships and even career.
For instance, one of the most common forms of self-sabotage is procrastination. Did you ever have the goal of losing a few pounds, toning up, or just being more active? Did you ever tell yourself that you were going to go to the gym five times a week but ended up binge watching an entire Netflix show instead? Did you ever think, “I know I should, but I will just do it tomorrow”? That’s a clear example of procrastination undermining your goals, but there are countless others.
Personally, the most prominent form of self-sabotage in my life used to be binge eating. I’ve always valued being strong, fit and maintaining a healthy, balanced lifestyle. However, I’ve also always used food as a coping mechanism for my emotions. Every time I felt stressed, anxious, sad or just bored, I would binge because it was easier than addressing my emotions; it was a momentary escape that brought me joy. However, that good feeling did not last long before the guilt and realization of once again self-sabotaging started to kick in. I was stuck in that cycle of being aware that it wasn’t good for me, still doing it for temporary happiness, and then feeling bad about myself for not having the willpower to resist.
Whatever your specific self-sabotaging behavior may be, you need to be aware that it will keep taking a toll in your everyday life and goals, if you do not choose to acknowledge the problem and address it. However, if you do make that courageous choice and commit to change your behavior, here are four steps I’ve found to help me answer the question, “how to stop self-sabotage?”:
Recognize your own self-sabotaging behaviors and patterns. Self-sabotaging behaviors differ among all of us and it’s important to acknowledge the ones you engage in. Do you tend to eat when you’re anxious? Do you turn to drugs or alcohol? Are you incapable of maintaining healthy friendships and relationships? Whatever it may be, be true with yourself and recognize it without any judgement. Then, ask yourself, “when do I usually engage in this particular behavior?” and “what am I feeling in that specific moment?”. By answering those questions, you will get a better understanding of what causes you to self-sabotage, which is essential because self-knowledge is the first step to any change.
Replace those self-sabotaging behaviors with alternative healthy behaviors. Think about your self-sabotaging behavior and reflect on what healthier behavior you can replace it with, one that will bring you a similar feeling. For example, binging used to make me happier and less stressed. So, instead of turning to food every time I was feeling down or anxious, I started dancing to upbeat music, which is a much healthier alternative that gives me the same desired outcome.
Set long-term realistic goals you believe you can achieve. A lot of times we fail because we set unrealistic goals that we don’t even believe are possible for us. For instance, if you weigh 230 pounds and your ultimate goal is to drop down to 150 pounds, you can maybe think of setting the intermediate goal of 190 pounds. That will make it more realistic, keep you more motivated and reduce the likelihood of self-sabotage.
Do deep healing practices. Deep healing practices, such as Yoga Nidra and Transformational Breathwork, can help us stop self-sabotaging by transforming our limiting beliefs. The destructive behaviors we engage in often arise due to low self-confidence, low self-worth and a lack of belief in oneself. Thus, by reprogramming these limiting beliefs, connecting to our own worth and learning to deeply trust ourselves, we are able to step into our most confident and authentic selves (For some Yoga Nidra and breathwork practices for deep healing, check out the Humaya app).
by Carolina Pinto Barbosa