How to Improve Self-Esteem
When I used to think about the concept of self-esteem, it always sounded like some distant, unattainable goal. At that time, I was incapable of recognizing my value as a person. I felt unworthy of everything, unhappy, stuck and ultimately not good enough. I had no idea how and when those negative thoughts about myself started or how to change them, but I was certain of one thing: I couldn’t keep living in that negative spiral.
By definition, self-esteem is about how we perceive and value ourselves, and it can have a huge impact in our everyday lives. When we have low self-esteem or confidence, we don’t show up as our true selves, don’t set boundaries, and we blame ourselves for pretty much everything.
The funny thing is that sometimes we can’t even recognize we have low self-esteem at first, because the feelings of unworthiness are there for so long that they become the norm. Maybe you were bullied at a young age and that led to a belief that you are unworthy of love. Maybe your family always struggled financially and now you believe you’re not good enough to earn huge amounts of money. Or maybe there was not one particular situation that led to your low self-worth, but rather a combination of different life experiences. Whatever the cause may be, it’s important to recognize that you have the right to truly love and appreciate yourself!
So how can we build self-esteem and leave those self-deprecating feelings behind? There are a few ways that I’ve found to change my mindset and improve my self-esteem:
Self-knowledge. Building self-esteem requires a deep level of self-awareness. How can we change our beliefs about ourselves if we are not even aware of them? How can we do the inner work if we can’t recognize our own emotions? We need to sit down with ourselves and ask “what are my self-limiting beliefs?” and “how do I feel?” Only after acknowledging what’s wrong, can we start to make it right.
Self-esteem affirmations. When we repeat affirmations consistently, for instance, “I am worthy of love” or “I am worthy of happiness,” our subconscious mind starts believing it to be true, which allows us to change the way we perceive our own reality.
Inner Child Healing. By journaling, practicing Yoga Nidra or doing breathwork, we can visit our inner child’s traumas, forgive ourselves, and finally release those old stories and beliefs that keep us feeling unworthy. A couple of months ago I wrote my younger self a letter, forgiving her for being so hard on herself and showing her that she is deeply loved and completely worthy. It helped me move on from stories that were holding me back — and it may help you too. (For some Yoga Nidra and breathwork practices for inner child healing, check out the Humaya app).
Be mindful. By becoming aware of our inner critic and observing it, we start noticing the difference between facts and thoughts. So, the next time you hear that negative voice in your head, act as an observer, distance yourself, and question: “do I have concrete evidence of this, or is it just my thoughts?” Most of the time, it will be our mind playing games with us. By being mindful, we can make a conscious decision to not engage with self-limiting thoughts anymore.
The truth is we are all capable of developing self-esteem if we make the choice of changing our story. It’s a decision we have to make and commit to on a daily basis. We have the power to choose what we focus on and work towards. As the American motivational speaker, Denis Waitley, once said “to establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” Now, the true question is, are you willing to do so?
by Carolina Pinto Barbosa