How to Silence Your Inner Critic
It can be so easy to believe the voice of our inner critic. When I’ve seen beautiful women walk down the street in Los Angeles, (which is a very common occurrence here), my mind has instantly gone into fear mode. “My body will never look that perfect.” “Does my boyfriend want her instead of me?” “Her outfit is so much cuter than mine. I look terrible.”
It’s hard not to compare ourselves or get insecure when others have the things we want — beautiful clothes, perfect bodies, nice homes or cars — and it’s easy for this negative inner voice to take over our realities. We start to believe this voice is true, and that we aren’t good enough, or don’t have enough, exactly as we are.
There are a few tools I’ve turned to that help me keep my inner critic in check:
Gratitude. When my mind wants to criticize my body, how I look, or what kind of possessions I have or don’t have, I consciously turn my attention towards gratitude. It takes a lot of effort at first to make this mental switch, but if we can pay attention to the things we love about our own bodies and situations, we start experiencing more and more happiness and inner security in our lives. Can we focus on how lucky we are to have functioning bodies at all? Or how lucky we are to have a place to sleep at night? There are many ways in which we are so much luckier than we often remember. By practicing focusing our attention on gratitude, we train the neural pathways in our brains to experience these high-frequency emotions more often (instead of the painful feelings of comparison or not-enoughness).
Remembering our inherent value. Each of our souls are here for a distinct purpose in this life. We each have a unique, energetic blueprint, a soul vibrating at the exact level needed to fulfill our specific life missions. When we compare ourselves to others, we forget the fact that we are all so perfectly different for a reason. Our path will never look like someone else’s — and this is a good thing! If we focus on our unique energy, and our unique path, we can more easily remember the value we create just by being ourselves. This is the value we emanate effortlessly, naturally, as our birthright; it is the value that only you can offer with your distinct energetic makeup. Respecting our uniqueness is so powerful for remembering that our worth is actually inherent. It is not something we need to create or improve; it is always deep within us. We are all worthy exactly as we are.
Appreciating others as inspiration and beauty. When we consider the fact that we are all connected by the energetic field that is Universal consciousness, we can look to others as mirrors to show us the beauty of what’s possible. Maybe our bodies will never be size zero, but can we appreciate the beauty of another soul’s unique expression? Can we appreciate the Universe coming to life in that distinct art form of a human, creating an example of beauty and self-expression to be admired and respected? Can we use that feeling to call more beauty into our own lives? Perhaps you wish you had someone’s joyful and extroverted personality. While it may never be your personality, it could be an inspiration for you to cultivate more open-heartedness and joy in your own life. When we pair inspiration with gratitude and acceptance of our own value, we can bring good things into our lives without falling into the feelings of lack. We can think of it as the Universe showing us the feelings that are possible to bring into our own lives.
Healing negative stories. Most of us have stories from our past that have caused us to believe we’re not enough as we are (for instance, a partner cheated on us, or someone called us ugly in elementary school). Through practices like Yoga Nidra and Transformational Breathwork, we can revisit those stories through the subconscious mind and soften their grip on us. We can practice giving love to ourselves in those moments of pain, ultimately resolving these old stories. By getting to the root of our “not enoughness,” we start to liberate ourselves from this limiting belief system. Check out the Humaya app for practices to help you release old stories and beliefs.
Befriending our inner critic. When we get caught in a loop of recurring emotion, it means that a feeling is badly wanting our attention. It’s wanting to be expressed and witnessed by us. So in the example of not feeling good enough, if we actually hold space for this feeling to be fully expressed in our bodies, it starts to morph and release its stuck energy. Our analytical mind, or inner critic, just wants to be seen, loved and appreciated. If we create space for it to be with us and then actually thank it for its diligent work in our lives, we start to see that it was only ever trying to protect us. When we give it love and appreciation, it becomes willing to take on a higher role in our lives (for instance, helping us be detail oriented in our work, or helping us understand complex topics, or helping us solve problems). We can partner with our analytical mind, and as we do, it stops turning against us. We recommend working with a coach to learn how to do this.
While our inner critic might sometimes feel like the only voice in our heads, it is truly possible to retrain our minds to experience more self-love, gratitude, security, and self-worth. It starts by paying attention to that negative voice and using it as a trigger for our inner work. When we pair this active mindfulness with deep healing practices, we find that real transformation starts to occur. For help getting started, you can check out the app or contact us for coaching services.
May we all know the feeling of our inherent value, and use it to help each other heal and expand into our highest selves.
by Marina Harmon