Devotions over Resolutions
Forming resolutions is a societal practice that swings through the collective every December and echoes the reminder of our self-made promises throughout the first few months of the year. As we look towards the page turn of a calendar year, the pull to vision an enhanced reality is extremely strong. There is certainly something exciting and fueling about the transition from one year to the next, however for many of us we set ourselves up for disappointment. Now that we are moving through 2021, there is time to pause and reflect on the resolutions we have formed and whether they are in service to us or leading to the abandoned shelf that stores all of our past years’ resolutions.
Why do resolutions fail? For starters, resolutions tend to focus on outcome. Resolutions easily become the end goals of a vision. There is a big leap from how we are currently operating in our reality to a new and exciting experience in our lives. This can place a massive amount of pressure in getting to that new reality and puts emphasis on reaching a certain place rather than being on a journey. For instance, a classic example of a New Year’s resolution is losing weight. We use the energy of New Year’s to fuel our motivation and excitement around experiencing increased health. And for those whose health would be improved by a more balanced body weight, this is a fair goal to support.
However, if the resolution is to lose weight, but we do not honor nor value the experience of getting to the weight we want, we will hit resistance, which all too easily leads to guilt, shame, and a sense of failure. Ultimately, so many people do not reach the end goal of their resolution because there is a bypassing of the journey. We try to jump to the end that is "better" than where we are now. We exchange the present moment for a future reality that may or may not be realized and is hindered by our lack of intention to be present every step of the way.
As we hold the vision of where we want to go, can we also hold space for the power and beauty of the journey? To skip over the journey from where we are now to where we want to go, in any aspect of our experience, is missing the present moment and feeding an “if I get there, then I will be happy” illusion. Right here, right now, as we are, is whole and complete. Let’s make space for expansion, but let us not lose sight of the perfection of this present moment right as it is.
Another reason resolutions fail is because they are built upon a belief of “not-enoughness.” We think in order for us to be okay, to be loved, to be safe, something about us has to change. When a resolution carries the burden of NEEDING to happen in order to satisfy a void of self-worth, ultimately it will fail.
Why? Because the void of self-worth is not satisfied by meeting a resolution. If the wound itself is not addressed, there will be something else about the body, the relationship, the job, the life experience that needs to change in order for us to be happy. It’s the never-ending pursuit of a "better" version of the not-enough human we feel we are today.
What may be more helpful is to work backwards from a resolution to see where it takes its root. Using the weight loss example once again, the question to ask is, “What part of me feels like I need to lose weight?” Is it health? Is it self-image? Is it something I’ve learned from society? Is there part of me that feels like I need to change in order to be loved?
When we inquire into the source of our resolution, we learn where we can really support ourselves and where we can bring more self-love and acceptance into our current reality. We can see more clearly where our work really is.
If we know which beliefs or emotional patterns need healing, we’re more empowered to take tangible steps to transform them. And when we prioritize this kind of healing (through things like Yoga Nidra, breathwork, therapy, or journaling), we so often see other pieces of our lives fall into place. We ultimately become drawn to the habits and rituals that support true self-love.
This is one way of turning resolutions into devotions. Acts of devotion to ourselves and our healing take us on a loving journey of growth and expansion — without leaving any part of our being behind. Instead of the burden that resolutions often carry, devotion honors all aspects of the self and helps us see clearly the places where transformation can occur. As the great spiritual teacher Pema Chodron once said, “In this moment we are whole and complete, and there is always work to do.”
Devotions allow us to hold our expansion and growth in one open palm and the embodied knowing of our wholeness as we are in the other palm.
Let us turn resolutions into devotional commitments to deepening our relationship with ourselves. Let us not jump to the end goal, but rather enjoy the ride through devotion, self-love, and vision for an expanded 2021.
by Erin Rose Ward